Ok, things are getting better. I think I have been able to isolate the cause of my anxiety. Every since the election of the current pope, I have felt disconnected from the church and my faith. I left the church shortly there after, and have joined in my Matthew Fox in his call for a new reformation, but where I live, I am very much alone in this opinion. Like many people, I find meaning and identity in my faith. I believe in the sacraments and the rites of the church. And now I am disconnected from that source of meaning and identity. I feel isolated and alone. I light my candles and continue to pray, but with out the church, I have lost access to communion...
...Communion... Joseph Campbell once said that he did not believe that we were searching for meaning, but that we were looking for the experience of being alive. I think that can be summed up in that one word, communion. The longing to feel a part of something greater than myself and the experience of community is to me a vital part of feeling alive.
I am disconnected from the town I live in... disconnected from my church... disconnected from my friends, family, and all of the things I love. I have lost communion with all of these things.
Adrift in this sea of meaninglessness, I have found a way to stay afloat, but I need to find others adrift with me. Together, we can build a new community where we can have communion together, and again find the experience of being alive.