My fall to the dark side started with fear, but I would never have become a true Sith if it wasn't for an argument I had with my sister after my grandfather died..
We all took his death hard, even though it wasn't a surprise to any of us. Honestly, I cannot remember how the argument started. All I remember is my sister and I on our parents' back deck yelling at each other. Then she said it:
"How much longer are you going to keep trying to be a writer before you just give it up? You're not a kid anymore. You need to wake up, and realize that not all your dreams are going to come true. Let's set a deadline. If you are not a published author in one year, give it up and take some responsibility for your life. If you don't, you are going to loose Brian."
My blood froze in my veins. The cycle started again, and the hate was easy this time. To hell with everyone and everything.
Step 2: Simplicity
Luke: Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack (Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back).
It is easy... too easy... Missouri banned Gay Marriage not long after that. The Hate made me stronger, or so I thought.
My first book (which I am so embarrassed by) is a hate filled screed against all the people and institutions I felt wronged me in my life. I focused and refined my hate to the point I can literally feel it in my body.
My hate was all I had to get me out of bed in the morning. "I'll show you!" You know the sort of thing I am talking about.
Whenever I felt my strength flagging, I roused up a new batch of anger to get me going. I see that now. At the time, I couldn't see the difference between anger, hate, and passion. They all blurred together.
How did I spot the problem?
I tried to write another book. Shine Like Thunder chronicled my own struggles with internal demons. When I set out to wright another book, I couldn't You can only let a fire burn for so long before it consumes all of its fuel.
I tried to work on a sequel to my first book... nothing happened.
I tried to work on a sequel to Shine Like Thunder... nothing happened.
I wanted to do something new. Those settings looked as used up to me as I felt on the inside. I loved Shine Like Thunder though... why couldn't I right a follow up? I couldn't figure out how to get them off the planet. That's when it clicked. I was trapped too, and until I figured a way out for myself, I was as stranded as Saahdia.
So, now that I know the problem, maybe I can figure a way out... One problem though... What is the real life analogue to the Force?